Superfluous
by Nikki1212
Summary: A collection of KakaSaku oneshots and fic ideas that I have copied from my tumblr.
1. Pug Love

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

 _ **Prompt**_ **:** 'I met you last night when you were drunkenly petting my dog in my backyard at 3 in the morning and when i asked you what the hell you were doing you slurred something about dogs being great and then you threw up on my feet and then fifteen minutes later you were passed out on my couch so that's why you're here right now also what the fuck is your name and why were you petting a dog in a stranger's backyard in the middle of the night.'

 **Pairing:** KakaSaku AU

 **Length** : 3,400 Words

* * *

Sakura was having a _wonderful_ evening. Finals were over, colleges were out for the summer, and she was gleefully heading towards what Ino affectionately referred to as "Slosh-Town." Meaning, she was drunk. Very, very drunk. But it's okay! Because school was out, she was stress free, she didn't have those awful dark circles from nights spent studying anymore, and did she mention school was out? Ah, yes, Sakura was having a _great_ time.

She and her best friend, Ino, had chosen to celebrate the ending of the semester at some hole in the wall, back-alley, sleazy college bar with the rest of their classmates. Sakura was apprehensive at first, surely a place like that couldn't mean well…especially when the frat boys were just as likely to get rowdy in the bar as they did in their frat house. But Ino had insisted, telling her to "stop being such a Debbie-downer, Forehead," and she had been dragged, half-willing, to a place whose floor was covered in questionable substances. They met up with one of Ino's friends, Karin, and she introduced them to the frat boys Sakura wanted to avoid. Her unimpressed examination of the bar must have caught the eye of one of the boys, (his name was Kiba or something) because he cleared his throat to catch the attention of the circle, "Hey! We're throwing a party at our place if you girls wanna come!"

His announcement was received with eager affirmatives, and Sakura found herself interested. The frat boys weren't _that_ bad, and there was a party somewhere that didn't smell of illegal activities? Count her in! So they had all walked the five blocks to the ANBU Fraternity House, and one of the guys (Uh, Sai?) stopped in a liquor store to grab a large bottle of vodka on the way. The smile on his face when he opened the bottle was strange enough to put her on edge (had he spiked it before he came out of the store?), but her fears were put to rest when he took a drink first and then passed it to Ino who passed it to Kiba who passed it to Sakura. The walk went on that way for the rest of the distance there, with each member of the large group taking a swig from the clear bottle. By the time they got to the already packed house, they were all feeling tipsy.

They walked through the neon and black-lighted front door and Ino's excited grin as she held onto Sakura's hand as they pushed through sweaty grinding bodies on their way to the kitchen made her laugh. A shot was pushed into her hands and Sakura downed it before a random classmate pulled both her and Ino onto the dancefloor.

After an unnamed amount of Jell-O shots, cups of spiked punch, and beers, Sakura found herself talking to three Kibas and the one on the left was saying something about her…hair? He was pretty funny, she guessed, and when she reached out to swat him in the arm, she found herself suddenly falling forward. She would've fallen on her face if the Kiba in the middle hadn't caught her with an exclamation of, "Woah there, Pink!" Giggling, Sakura patted him on the cheek as she blew raspberries at him.

"Are you _that_ drunk, Sakura," he breathed through a large grin. He laughed when Sakura brought a finger to her lips, shushed him and said in a conspiratory whisper, "Don't say that! I'm good! Just ask _him_!"

Kiba rose an eyebrow and glanced at where she pointed to, only to find empty space. He shifted her in his grip (where she still lay bonelessly, _still_ blowing raspberries) and laughed again, "Oh yeah, you're done."

He set her upright, patiently guided her back to the kitchen, and then deposited her into Ino's arms. Ino was stunned for a moment, holding tightly to the boneless girl, and then laughed once Sakura started patting _her_ face.

"Inoooo-pig," Sakura cooed, "you have _such_ a nice face! A+, Pig, you win the Blue Ribbon!"

Ino resisted the urge to let Sakura fall to the floor as a vein in her forehead twitched at the back-handed compliment.

"Okay, Forehead, you're done for the night, time to go home," she mumbled as she guided her to the front door. Ino didn't really want to leave, she had just started talking to that _super_ hot guy, Sai! Creepy smile and alarming paleness aside, he had the _nicest_ abs she had ever seen! And he had called her beautiful! The answer to her problems came to her in the form of the red-headed Karin, who was waving at some people Ino didn't care to know and looked like she was leaving.

"Karin!" Ino exclaimed, still dragging a stumbling Sakura by the hand. Karin rose an eyebrow at the two and placed a hand on her hip in her signature _"I'm better than you"_ pose.

"What's up, Ino?"

"Are you leaving?!"

Karin's crimson eyes narrowed at the blonde before sighing, "Yeah, I am," she glanced at the petite pink-haired girl next to the aforementioned blonde, sighed deeper, and resigned herself to her fate. She was _such_ a good person.

"Do you need me to take her home?"

"Yes! Please!"

And that's how Sakura found herself being escorted home by a girl she had never spoken a full sentence to. And, coincidentally, that's also how Karin found herself escorting a girl she held a small bit of resentment towards for once dating the love of her life, Sasuke. She flipped her unevenly cut hair over her shoulder, rolling her eyes as she heard Sakura stumble and fall with a curse and a giggle behind her, and sighed once more. It didn't matter anymore, right? It was _years_ ago, anyway. Sakura surely couldn't still harbor feelings for him, could she?

Karin adjusted her glasses and glanced at the girl from the corner of her eye. Said girl was walking(stumbling), muttering to herself about some thing or another, and blowing candy-floss hair out of her eyes. Karin gazed up into the heavens, oh yeah, she was _such_ a good person.

Just then, a red pick-up truck pulled to a stop next to them, making Karin stop—reaching out to grab the still walking(stumbling!) pinkette by the arm and pull her to her side. Her wary eyes took in the license plates, color and make of the vehicle just in case it was some creep, and waited impatiently for the creaking window to roll down and reveal the driver. Her eyes lit up at seeing it was one of her more recent conquests! He was a stupid jock, yes, but he was smart in subjects that mattered (sex). So Karin liked him well enough, and he was pretty cute, in that you can't look at him for too long sort of way.

Which is why she told him she liked to have sex in the dark.

Therefore, when said boy toy offered to take her home for a night of passion (in the dark, of course), Karin was hard-pressed to say no. She pulled open the passenger door of his rusted truck, gritted her teeth when it made this awful groaning sound, and reminded herself over and over that he was well- _endowed_ and _good_ and cars didn't _matter._ She had just closed the door and strapped herself in when her companion cleared his throat and, at her irate look, pointed at the bumbling fool she had left standing on the sidewalk.

 _Oh,_ right _, fuck._

Karin huffed. Ino said Sakura was a smart girl, and they _only_ lived four blocks away from the frat house! _Surely_ , Sakura could find her way home…it wasn't _that_ dark outside! It was only, Karin glanced at the clock, two in the morning! There was _plenty_ of light out—there were street lights everywhere! So, she hastily explained to the girl that she was leaving and that she should head straight home. The pink haired girl nodded with the stupidest grin Karin had ever seen on her disgustingly naturally pretty face and waved, "Bye-bye!"

Karin rolled her eyes again, told her companion to drive (what was his _name_ ), just to hear "WAIT" coming from the sidewalk. She resisted the urge to pull at her hair, instead choosing to breathe in sync with her mental count down from ten. She set crimson eyes on wide beryl green and asked in mock sweetness, "Yes?"

"I don't know the way back…" Sakura admitted with another wide grin and Karin's jaw dropped in disbelief and then clicked shut in agitation. Smart her _ass._

She snapped her fingers at the slowly-blinking jock next to her, "Find me a piece of paper, you!" and as he rushed to fulfill her command because he wanted to leave just as bad as she did, Karin fished something to write with out of her purse.

He handed her a greasy napkin, shrugging bashfully at Karin's expression of _what the fuck,_ and she drew a crude map of where Sakura was supposed to go in red lipstick ( the X being her apartment because X marks the spot, _duh_ ) before tossing it at the girl who fumbled to catch it.

After she made sure it was in Sakura's hands, Karin rolled up the window, held up two fingers in a peace sign, and disappeared off into the night.

Seriously, she was _such_ a good person.

* * *

And that's how Sakura found herself squinting at a terribly smudged map and finding her way down the street at nearly three in the morning. And she was getting frustrated, because she could have _sworn_ she passed that house with the mail box dozens of times and it was just taking _so_ long! Besides, she and Ino took short cuts lots of times to get home. All she really had to do was cut through a few houses, take a left at the street with the sign, and _voila_! She'd be home, all cozy in her bed with _ice cream!_

So with a self-assured nod because she was a _genius_ , Sakura made a sharp turn onto a random house's lawn (no, not _random_ , this is the house they always cut through, she was sure of it) and cut through the back. And then through another, and then another because she _knew_ these houses _for sure._

As she was climbing a really nice white picket fence (oh yeah, she _definitely_ knew _this_ fence), Sakura froze at the sound of a bark. She slowly turned her head, wide eyes falling on the form of a little brown pug barking his little heart out at her, and then promptly fell off the fence to land in a heap on really green grass. She lifted her pink head at the feel of doggy kisses and shuffled onto her knees to pet him.

He rolled onto his back as she cooed because he wanted his belly rubbed, and then she started crying as she petted him because he was _just so cute_ and fluffy and nice and _oh man get a load of that dog!_

And that's how Kakashi found her. A stranger, on his lawn at three in the morning, loudly sobbing as she gave his dog a belly rub.

* * *

Kakashi, at thirty-six years old, wasn't really one to indulge in Friday night drinks with pals anymore. He was perfectly content with sitting at home, watching B-Listed movies on his couch with a bowl of popcorn and a six-pack for an hour, and then reading his favorite book series after he got bored. Really, he'd _much_ rather spent his nights at home where he could enjoy _not_ being ridiculed for still beinga bachelor.

He had just begun to enjoy his movie for the night, some terribly written film about vampires, and had just started to look past the ketchup-blood when he heard barking from his backyard. Kakashi casted a barely interested glance at his back door; Pakkun barked at anything and everything, be it grass or people, and he was reluctant to go check.

And then he heard loud, ugly sobbing.

Well, that was _definitely_ not his dog.

He grabbed his pistol from his coffee table (he was a cop, it was a habit, sue him!) and cautiously made his way towards his backyard. He slowly opened the door and then blinked. And then blinked again because _this_ wasn't something you saw every day.

There was a girl, no less than twenty, crying on his lawn. She was obviously drunk, and petting his dog. Who, mind you, was happily basking in the attention. He observed her for a moment: she had _pink_ hair (ah, great, a delinquent), was pretty cute under all that snot and smeared makeup, and currently sported scrapes on her knees from what he guessed were multiple drunken falls. He levelled an unimpressed stare at his useless pug (why'd he get a pug anyway? They _sucked_ as guard dogs), and cleared his throat.

The pink minx jumped and hastily scrambled to stand as she wiped her tears.

"What are you doing," he asked in his _"I'm a cop I can ruin your life"_ voice, and she burst into tears once more. Kakashi sighed, placed his gun into the waistband of his sweat pants, and made his way towards her.

She suddenly lifted her head, snot and tears making their way down her face, and he resisted the urge to step back in alarm. She mumbled something he couldn't understand, and when he said, "Pardon?" she hiccupped and sobbed, _"Just get a load of that dog!"_

And then she threw up on his feet.

Awesome.

* * *

The next morning found Sakura groaning as she awoke. She was going to _kill_ Ino! The damn blonde knew how much of a light-weight she was! _Honestly_ , what happened to "don't worry, Sakura, I'll keep you from getting wasted?" Obviously, that didn't happen. Because if her pounding headache and foggy memory were anything to go by, Sakura had gotten _sloshed_ last night. Wasted. Turnt. She went to Slosh-Town and got _lost_.

Smacking her lips, and rubbing her eyes, she swung her legs off of her bed and made her way to her bathroom. Only, she bumped into a table. That was odd, Sakura mused, she didn't remember having a table in her room…

Sakura's eyes opened fully, resisted the desire to hiss at the light like some sort of vampire, and took in her surroundings.

Oh yeah, this was _so_ not her room. Or her apartment for that matter. She didn't own such an _ugly_ couch.

"Good morning, you," the skin on Sakura's back pulled taught as she went stiff at the sound of a _stranger's_ voice.

Oh, _no._ She _couldn't_ have.

There was _no way_ Ino had let her go home with someone when she was so drunk! That was like, a rule! A law! As she slowly turned around, Sakura prayed that it wasn't some creep who preyed on unsuspecting drunk girls, or else she was going to shave _all_ of Ino's hair off. _All of it._

When she turned fully, she took in the sight of the _hottest_ older man she had ever seen. Oh yes, she could get down to this. Good _job_ , Sakura-chan.

"Uh, hi?"

Her weak greeting was met by a raised brow, and a silent offering of coffee. Silently thanking the heaven's, because coffee was definitely something she needed, she accepted the warm mug and followed his lead onto the couch.

And then it got awkward.

Because he didn't say anything, and she didn't know _what_ to say. What _do_ you say after a one night stand you can't remember? Should she casually bring it up, or should she make some off the wall guess at how the night went? Or should she just pretend it didn't happen?

Sakura's brow twitched, _Ino_ would know what to do.

As Sakura silently watched him over the rim of her mug, Kakashi took the opportunity to observe her as the myriad of expressions crossed her face as she thought. He smiled behind his scarf, she was an open book that one. And judging by how much she was internally fussing, he was sure she would be absolutely appalled at how awful she looked this morning—she still had on last night's make up and dried snot on her face. And that bird's nest for hair was going to be a problem to comb out, he was sure of it. But, she was still cute, he'd give her that.

He was brought out of his casual perusal of her person when he registered the sound of her setting her mug down onto the coaster on his coffee table. She pretended to pick lint off her leggings and when she spoke, she made it sound like they were discussing the weather.

"So, did I sleep with you?"

Kakashi would have choked on his coffee if he had actually been drinking any, and instead almost choked on his own spit. _What?_

He sat up straighter in his seat, gave her his best _"I'm being honest, I swear,"_ face and said, "No, we didn't sleep with each other."

Her relieved exhalation and subsequent proclamation of, _"thank god,"_ almost managed to offend him, until she nervously glanced his way and hastily added, "I mean, if we _had_ , I would've liked to remember having sex with _you._ "

Both of his eyebrows rose at that, and a blush crawled up her chest to her face as she attempted to hide it under the guise of examining his living room. Kakashi set his newspaper down, and she turned her attention back to him, eyes wide and nervous. She had pretty eyes, he decided then.

"Actually," he started, holding her gaze with his own, "I met you last night when you were drunkenly petting my dog in my backyard at three in the morning and crying. When I asked you what the hell you were doing, you slurred something about dogs being great, and then you threw up on my feet." Sakura groaned into her hands at this, she was simply _mortified._ But Kakashi continued speaking, "And _then_ fifteen minutes later, you were passed out on my couch. So that's why you're here right now. Also, what is your name, how old are you, and why were you patting a dog in a stranger's backyard in the middle of the night?"

Sakura groaned into her hands again. What were the _odds!?_ What were the odds of stumbling into a random hot guy's lawn and making a fool out of herself! That kind of stuff only happened in cheesy movies! Nevertheless, he was waiting for some type of response from her and so she sighed, resigned herself to her fate of being a loser and said, "My name is Sakura, and I'm 22 years old."

Kakashi regarded her carefully. Twenty-two, huh? He could get down with that. And so he stood, brushed the non-existent dust off of his pants and offered her a hand. She stared at his hand bemusedly, asking him with her eyes what he wanted her to do with _that,_ and he gave her his famous friendly eye-crinkle.

"Well then, _Sakura,"_ oh _god_ , the way he said her name made her mouth go dry, "how about I take you back to your place so you can freshen up, and we can discuss over lunch just exactly how you ended up on my lawn in the first place. My name is Kakashi."

Sakura smiled then, and took his offered hand, "Alright then, _Kakashi,_ I'd like that."

And when Sakura got home, running to the bathroom as she flipped Ino off (who laughed and said, "You look like shit, Forehead! Where are you going?" upon sight of her) with a shout of "I'll tell you later!," Sakura couldn't help but let out a shrill scream at the sight of her reflection, and then grinned because _honestly,_ any man who still wanted to date her when she looked like _that_ was a keeper.


	2. Suspicious Activity

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or its characters.**

 _ **Summary:**_ _Me and my roommates decided to decorate our house for Halloween but got really into it, and ended up reenacting several scenes from a Nightmare on Elm Street so loud or the neighbors called the police._

 **Word Count: 2,685**

 **-O-**

There was blood everywhere. On the grass, the mailbox, the steps leading up to the front door, and the front door itself. Hatake Kakashi, police lieutenant of the Konoha Police Department, pulled out his MagLite and pistol as he and his partner, Genma, slowly walked up the steps of what once might have been a humble abode.

Genma shone his own light on the bloody handprints on the passenger side of the white Nissan Maxima and cursed.

" _Fuck,_ man," he breathed with an excited grin, "it's a fucking blood bath out here. Do you think someone _died_?"

Kakashi gave Genma a bland look, and the brown haired man huffed around his toothpick. It was a few days until Halloween (four, if the calendar on his desk was right) and the department received an abundance of calls reporting suspicious activities every year. Some of them were prank calls made by bored teens (if they were _his_ kids, he'd _beat_ their _ass_ ), a few were calls made by paranoid seniors, and a _lot_ of them had to do with the vandalism of houses known to give out fruits and vegetables for Halloween (who the fuck gives out _raisins_ anyway?) All in all, each call was as boring and mundane as the next.

Konoha was a peaceful town; yes, there was the occasional murder every three years, and _maybe_ a breaking-and-entering every two, but there weren't any crimes to investigate every other year in between. There was a reason why Konoha was voted "Safest City in the Nation" every year for the last thirty: everyone was so _nice!_

And the police department was _bored._ In fact, some of its personnel had actually contemplated starting their own drug ring just so that they could have something to _do_ (if asked, Kakashi would vehemently deny that he had been voted the Drug Lord in the case of said operation.)

The officers of KPD were tasting potential recipes for Taco Tuesday and throwing around ideas for Wacky Shirt Wednesday (his favorite was Smut Saturday) when the 911 dispatcher's phone rang. Ebisu, the resident pervert of the station, was the unfortunate soul placed on dispatcher duty. Their usual dispatcher, a sweet girl named Hinata, was given the week off because Ebisu was on probation for wrongfully arresting the milk man he thought was fucking his wife, or _something like that_. No one really spared him a glance as he left the room to answer the phone.

A few minutes later he had burst into the main debrief room where everyone was brainstorming, sunglasses askew (why he wore sunglasses inside, Kakashi didn't know. But he wore a mask all the time so…) with papers flurrying in his wake (some of those _had_ to be important). He took a moment to compose himself before straightening and announcing to all those present that a call reporting screams has been made and someone needs to go investigate.

Then, in a conspiratorial whisper he added, " _They think someone is dying!"_

There were a few seconds of silence, and then everything erupted into chaos.

Gai chose the wrong day to come back from the gym wearing spandex, as Raido grabbed him from the waistband—giving him a royal wedgie—and shoved him behind him. Anko had punched Raido in the face, but then Kurenai elbowed her in the gut as they ran towards the door. Asuma bitch-slapped Hayate, who Kakashi then vaulted over as he threw Genma the keys to their squad car. As Kakashi dove for cover from the taco meat sailing through the air, he shouted at Genma over everyone's angry yells to pull the car up to the front. Upon catching the set of keys, Genma dropped to a low crawl, narrowly avoiding being pelted by sour cream, and made his way out the door where he then broke into a sprint.

In the parking garage, he noted that Inoichi and Ibiki were also in the process of entering their vehicles. There was a moment of stillness as they all gave each other a measured stare, and Genma broke eye contact by jumping into the police car and driving off before he had even closed the door. He heard Inoichi's and Ibiki's frustrated shouts and glanced behind him to see that the men had pulled out at the same time, thus causing them to get stuck.

Genma had pulled up to the front of the station with a loud whoop just in time to see Kakashi burst through the main doors to the station—along with everyone else waiting for their partners to bring up their own cars. Kakashi ripped open the door and shouted at Genma to drive before his entire body was safely inside.

As they drove away, Genma spared a look into his rear view mirror only to see Anko—who was covered in taco meat and bruises—shaking a fist as she yelled, " _Fuck you, Hatake!"_

Said man rolled down the window and flipped her off. (Gai was also left screaming in the background because _Hatake was so cool!_ )

And that's how they found themselves silently creeping up the stairs to push open the unlocked door of the reported Murder House. Upon seeing the state of the home (chairs knocked over, bloody streaks and handprints, and _was that freshly baked pumpkin pie?_ ), both men shot each other a look and flipped their weapon off SAFE. Despite their earlier mischief, now was the time to be serious.

Silently stepping through the house, they checked every room from top to bottom before they lowered their weapon in confusion at finding it empty.

And then they heard a particularly bloodcurdling scream followed by another equally as shrill.

"It came from the basement," Genma mouthed, and Kakashi curtly nodded. Raising their weapons once more, both men hastily made their way towards their possible crime scene.

* * *

Sakura _loved_ Halloween almost as much as she _loved_ her roommates. There was something about the falling leaves, the appearance of pumpkin _everything,_ and the horror movie marathons that made her heart feel all warm and fuzzy. She loved to dress up and hand out candy to cute children in costumes (while getting drunk with Ino, of course), but her favorite part was decorating the house with her roommates. She lived with three boys: Sai, Naruto, and Sasuke. They were her best friends since childhood and she loved them as much as she would love her brothers if she had any. Every year, they (along with Ino because _why would you deprive your best friend of such eye-candy, Forehead?!)_ would decorate their house to a different horror movie.

This year they had chosen A Nightmare Before Elm Street; Naruto would be Freddy Krueger, Sakura and Ino would be the poor murdered girls, and Sasuke and Sai wouldn't be anything because they were losers and had sticks up their ass.

As they were decorating, Naruto had the bright idea to try on their costumes so that they could get into the spirit of the film and Sakura excitedly agreed. That was until Sai piped up with a comment of, _"Why? Your lack of genitalia is scary enough,"_ and Sakura had to hold Naruto back from gouging out the pale man's eyeballs. Ino swatted him upside the head and told Sasuke to have Sai go with him to go retrieve the fake blood from the shopping bag in the living room as they changed into their costumes.

After that, decorating had been going really well. They had hung up the ambience lights, cobwebs and fake bodies around the house and all that was left was figuring out where to put the fake blood. And then Naruto spilled some on his pants, and of course Sai had to say, "what an unfortunate time to get your period, Dickless."

And then Naruto launched himself at Sai, who Ino was standing behind with an open jar of fake blood, who then let out a shriek as they all went toppling to the ground as blood covered them from head to toe. Sakura resisted the urge to cover her face in embarrassment as Sasuke sighed, what a bunch of idiots.

But then Ino stood up looking like the ghost of a murder victim, and Naruto—dressed like Freddy Krueger—looked like the one who did it and Sakura lost it. Ino turned to her with an expression of utmost fury, and in between laughter Sakura told her that she and Naruto looked like they came from the actual movie.

This then led to both blondes giving her feral grins before running at her as they acted out their parts. Sakura, because she has _always_ wanted to be in a horror movie, got really into it and let out a bloodcurdling scream as she turned tail and ran.

Naruto caught her by her white car and she screamed some more as he made to slash at her with her with his bloody rubber knives. She caught them in her hand (well _that_ didn't happen in the movie) with a scream because that's what she would do if she had caught _real_ knives, and as her friend laughed, she slid under his arm before tripping on a random skeleton arm (so _that's_ where that went) and catching herself on the side of the car.

As Sakura ran by Ino, she grabbed the shrieking blonde's arm (not before screaming in Sasuke's face) and ran into their house while the aforementioned blonde unknowingly spilled blood with every step.

Sasuke sighed and rubbed his temples when Naruto ran after them, all the while growling playfully that he was going to catch them (which made the girls reach a new decibel of screaming _oh my god_.)

"I'm going down to the basement for more stuff," Sasuke said to no one in particular (because the idiots were being idiots) and walked through the open door. Because Sasuke was too busy asking the Heavens why he had such morons for friends, he didn't see the particularly large puddle of bloody goop on the floor, making him slip and slide until he tumbled over a random chair Sakura kept in the entryway. ( _why?_ )

"Good job, traitor, it seems like your ridiculous hairstyle broke your fall."

Sasuke grit his teeth at Sai's cheerful voice. He looked back at the pale artist emerging from the kitchen (was that freshly baked _pumpkin pie?_ ) and scowled. He had willingly joined Orochimaru's team in Call of Duty _once_ and the little shit never made him forget it. As he picked himself up, Sai placed the pie ( _when did he even make that?)_ on the stove and made his ways towards the screams coming from the basement.

Sasuke glared at the fake bloodstains on his blue shirt (it was his mother's _favorite_ ) and followed the other boy down the stairs a few moments later. He was greeted by the sight of Sakura and Ino holding onto each other and screeching (oh god their screams were even louder up _close)_ with Naruto standing over them and cackling evilly while Sai called out insults from the corner he sat in (Sakura probably put him in time-out again.) The raven-haired boy scowled at them all (he was _upset_ , dammit!) and made his way towards the box labeled "Halloween DICK-orations." (yeah, we _all_ know who labelled _that_ box.)

And that's how Kakashi and Genma found them.

"Freeze! Hands in the air, all of you!"

At Kakashi's bark, all four roommates froze in their spots: Sakura and Ino with their mouths open mid-scream, Naruto with his hands on his hips, Sai with his patented creepy smile, and Sasuke on his tip-toes with half his body in the box with the pumpkin dicks on it.

How dignified.

"What the fuck is going on here," Genma spat in his best " _I'm gonna fuck you up, I'm the fucking law"_ voice (he knew it was his best, he practiced it a lot.)

And poor Sakura was mortified, because there, right in front of her, was the hottest cop in KPD. And she was covered in blood, a lot of blood. And she probably looked really silly. Kakashi's unimpressed dark grey eyes swept over all of them, lingering on her own wide set for a moment.

She wanted to scream in embarrassment as Ino sent her a sly look. How many times had she told the blonde the things she would do to Officer Hatake if she had the chance?! The answer to that was _a lot_. Oh c'mon, sue her, the man was a real life Adonis. What woman wouldn't want a piece of that silver fox?

After that first time he pulled her over, she was hooked. _Oh yes, Officer Hatake, I've been so bad, cuff me and take me away!_ (Preferably to your bed, thank you.)

Ino was the first to recover and she cleared her throat.

"We were only acting, Officers, that's all," she said in her sweetest _"I was Shirley Temple in the elementary school play"_ voice and both cops' eyes narrowed.

"Is that so," Kakashi drawled as he lowered his pistol, "and the blood?"

"Fake," Naruto piped up as he licked some off of his hands, "it's cherry flavored!"

That's when Genma let out a loud groan and stomped up the stairs with a frustrated shout of, " _Seriously!?"_

Kakashi holstered his pistol and sent the four residents a stern look, "How about we go upstairs and you can tell me why you four decided to direct your own horror movie."

A collective feeling of dread passed over the three main perpetrators, and Sakura wanted to pull at her hair. _Can this get any worse?!_

* * *

Yes, it could.

Because when they dragged themselves up the stairs to their kitchen, Sai decided to comment on Kakashi's silver hair by breezily saying, "I didn't know they let senior citizens onto the force."

Sakura swore she was going to get him filters every Christmas until they all _died._

"Don't listen to him, sir," she quickly interjected as she pinched Sai in the side (clearly meaning, _shut the fuck up)_ , "he's just weird! And freaky!"

Sai's lips curled into a confused frown, "But Ugly, didn't you say you'd be a freak for Officer Hatake?"

" _What did you say?!"_

Said nodded sagely, "It was in your diary, Ugly. You said you'd like him to handcuff you to his bed and—"

"OKAY SAI," Sakura screamed as she covered his mouth while Ino almost pissed herself laughing and Officer Shiranui guffawed.

Sakura didn't dare glance at Officer Hatake; he probably thought she was some kind of loose woman now. Who stalked him and had wet dreams about him. Thanks a lot Sai, you little shit.

She avoided eye contact with him as they all gave them their own version of what happened, each one detailing the same thing: they were decorating the house for Halloween, started re-enacting scenes from A Nightmare on Elm Street and ended up getting really into it.

Genma shut his notepad and clicked his pen with a frown.

"Man, we finally get an interesting call after months of bullshit and it's just a bunch of _adults_ playing pretend," he moaned irritably.

Said adults (who ever said being twenty-two made you mature was a _liar_ ) smiled sheepishly at him as they all made their way towards the front door. Genma turned to give them a dry look as he replaced his toothpick with a new one, "Try not to be so fucking convincing next time; you scared your neighbors."

While Naruto started laughing hysterically and Ino started flirting with Genma, Sakura found herself being approached by Kakashi. She gulped as he came closer, oh god she was gonna get it _now._

"Miss Haruno," Kakashi started in that smooth baritone Sakura fondly remembered. Oh yeah, he was still hot.

"Yes," she squeaked as a blush dusted her cheeks. Her eyebrows rose to her hairline when he slipped her a piece of paper.

"Let's discuss over a cup of coffee those diary entries of yours, what do you say?"

His confident question (was that his way of asking her on a _date?)_ left her speechless, and a quick glance at the slip of paper showed her his phone number.

Sakura smiled slyly,

"That depends, _Kakashi,_ do you have a spare set of handcuffs?"

* * *

Later, Genma would scratch his head and wonder why Kakashi had asked to borrow his set of handcuffs.


End file.
